Sometimes I think I've got it. You know, I can do this all by myself. I'm in control and I like it.
So, I'm 18. I thought I had Grade 12 sorted. I'd made it this far and although a little daunting, I could do this.
Lessons to be learnt
Little did I know Grade 12 would turn out to be such a rollercoaster. I am pleased to say I made it through, but there were some lessons to be learnt along the way.
From friends to assignments, transitioning from child to adult, the 'finding out who your true friends are' thing, getting my driver's license, and ending 12 years of the school system—all collided in my final semester.
Overwhelming? Absolutely! Amongst the stress and workload, besides the expectations, I found myself spiralling into a well of panic and I realised quickly that it wasn't so easy to find my way out.
My life was losing the light I was to carry, my joy was fading away, and the darkness crept in very quickly. I refused to let people help me, and all I wanted to do was either give up or quit school.
Thank goodness for friends
Talking with a good friend one night, I was reminded that I had forgotten something very important. I had been trying to do all this in my own strength. I had forgotten that the One who was knocking on my door was waiting to help me all along.
My friend reminded me of the unfailing love of God, who is waiting in expectation for us to give our cares to him. In that moment, my heart was changed and I was inspired to do good again, to ask for help, and to listen. I realised again that I needed guidance—I needed help.
Reading until my eyes hurt
I pulled out my Bible and read until my eyes hurt. I wrote letters to God asking for forgiveness for my ignorance, and asked Him to help me get through my problems and finish Grade 12 off strong. I wrote down all of my problems and prayed for them individually.
One by one they lifted from my shoulders. I felt at peace, and I felt like I could overcome my last term of school. I finished my letter and sat there in silence and prayed; giving everything to God, putting it all in His hands.
Everything I had worried about, all my problems, my pain, my stress, disappeared. I couldn't believe the relief!
Our God is a forgiving God. He does not sit there and make us fix our own mistakes. If we would just turn to Him He takes all our struggles and helps us through it.
In times of trial and anguish, where stress builds up and tension takes over our lives, it is tempting to try to fix it ourselves.
Only human
I constantly have to remind myself that I am only human, but my God is an almighty and powerful God. He is the one that created us, and only through Him can we overcome all obstacles life throws at us.
God is a forgiving God. He made us and He loves us. I opened the door and He saved me. I was struggling, but now I am free.
Romans chapter 4, verse 3 says, 'Abraham entered into what God was doing for him, and that was the turning point. He trusted God to set him right instead of trying to be right on his own.' (The Message translation)
Hmmm ... sometimes those lessons are tough, but I'm so glad I'm learning to listen.
Cartia Moore is a connoisseur of fine chocolate and a sword fighter, trained and skilled in the art of fencing. She is currently studying a bachelor of arts majoring in drama. Her focus is film, television, and sword-fighting sequences. She hopes to graduate and form her own drama and acting school.