In December last year, with Christmas approaching, I decided to buy a gift for a young lady, let's call her Grace, to show my appreciation. Throughout the year, Grace occasionally did domestic work. She'd help my mother with cleaning the house.
Though mummy was someone who paid her more than the statutory minimum wage, she worked with my mother for only a few weeks a year. The remainder of the year she'd work for other people; but work was sporadic and seasonal.
When Grace last texted me she'd said she wanted a handbag. I wanted to make sure I got it right so I called her and asked what she'd want the bag for... church? A special event? Everyday wear? What colour? Armed with the information, I went scouring several stores for the perfect bag, carefully checking the quality and sturdiness of the material, poring over its seams, zips, flaps and straps.
I eventually found one and I was excited for her to have it just before Christmas. Since Grace lived in a remote rural village in Jamaica, I sent it to Grace through her sister who lived in the city.
A couple weeks later, when I next saw her sister I asked how Grace had liked the bag since I hadn't heard from her. Grace's sister responded flatly, in a matter-of-fact tone: "She didn't like it. She said she wanted something that looked more fancy and bigger." That was all. No "thanks". No "Merry Christmas, Happy New Year."
I felt very disappointed that she didn't like the bag I had spent so much time and money to buy. Obviously, there was a mismatch between what Grace was looking for and what I thought she wanted. But I was more disappointed in the message Grace had sent me through her sister. I think you can probably imagine my reaction.
I was not pleased, to say the least, and although she later apologized and I forgave her, I decided that I would never again buy Grace a gift. I didn't expect her to lie and say she'd liked it when she didn't, but I wanted her to at least recognize the effort and the fact that I thought of her and wanted to do something nice to her...to be grateful that she had needed a bag and now had a new one.
The whole incident had me thinking about gratitude.
A Biblical view of gratitude
The Oxford Dictionary defines "gratitude" as simply "being thankful." We all understand gratitude: it is showing genuine appreciation for something we receive. We also understand the pain we feel when someone doesn't appreciate us or what we do. It stings. We feel as if we are being taken for granted.
But what does God say about gratitude? You just have to open the book of Psalms, pick any chapter to see that, by and large, the entire book is devoted to praising or exalting the goodness of God. The psalmist is constantly showing gratitude for God's provision, favour, presence, protection, for listening to his prayers, delivering the psalmist from his enemies or some predicament, securing his future, creating nature, being just, loving, forgiving and reliable...the list goes on. The psalmist is modelling a principle we must follow.
The Principle of Gratitude
Although many verses could be used to make the point that God wants us to be grateful, the one that most stands out for me is 1 Thessalonians Chapter 5 Verse 18, which says in part: "in everything give thanks [or give thanks in all circumstances] for this is God's will for you..."
You may be thinking: "In everything"? "All circumstances"? Really?! How can I do that when my life right now is missing something I really want to receive from God?
The answer to your question is: Because in every second of our lives God is doing something for us that He should be given thanks for. We should therefore adopt a posture or attitude of being thankful, even for the things we wouldn't have chosen for ourselves. Even for the hard things. Even for the fact that He hasn't given us the thing we so desperately want or have prayed for.
What role does gratitude play?
Gratitude causes us to recognize the sufficiency of God and His wisdom in giving us what He knows to be best and withholding what isn't. It helps us to re-align our priorities as we realize we serve God, and He is not at our service. His purpose is not to cater to our every whim and desire.
Gratitude causes you to come face-to-face with the reality that He doesn't need you as an advisor. That He is perfectly capable of making the best decision for your life all on His own, even if you don't agree with it and even if it doesn't come in the package you want or when you want it.
Here's what hit me forcefully when I thought about the incident with Grace.
I do the same thing to God.
He wakes me up in the morning, provides for me with a job, gives me blessings daily including good health, nourishment, a good night's sleep, surrounds me with supportive people, creates amazing opportunities for me and sustains my life moment by moment and still I am not as thankful as I should be. I often focus on what I do not have. I compare my life to the life to others and say: "God, this isn't what I want. How come I don't have that? Weren't you listening to me?"
Wow.
The shame of that realization made me resolve to each day cultivate a habit of actively observing the many things I have to give God thanks for, and to actually tell Him.
Ask yourself this question, and be honest with yourself: do you ever do the same thing? And how do you think our ingratitude makes God feel? (And if you can't answer this question, pause and think about the last time someone showed you ingratitude).
It's a good thing God is not like me. He doesn't say: "that's it! No more of this. I'm done with you." He doesn't cut off His loving-kindness to us, despite our repeated acts of ingratitude. He can't, because He is Love (read 1 John Chapter 4). Love is His character and God is always perfectly true to, and does not change, His nature (see James Chapter 1 Verse 17, Malachi Chapter 3 Verse 6). He cannot forsake who He Is (2 Timothy Chapter 2 Verse 13). God sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous and the sun shines on them both (Matthew Chapter 5 verse 45).
I am not the perfect gift-giver, but I thank God that He is. God is gracious to me and He is to my friend, Grace, too.
Sharma Taylor is a corporate attorney with a Doctor of Philosophy Degree in Law from Victoria University of Wellington in New Zealand. She is a "child of the Caribbean" but New Zealand will always be her second home because of the beautiful people she met there.
Sharma Taylor's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/sharma-taylor.html