Here I am again in the same position I found myself in a few months ago. I hear a voice of discipline echo in my mind saying, "How many times do I have to tell you not to do this?" Filled with guilt, I shake my head and drop it into the palm of my hands and begin to lament. Why is it so hard?
This constant battle between doing what is right and wrong. Will I ever be free from sin or am I just fighting a losing battle?
I don't want to be a slave to sin
Obeying God's word and keeping his commands can be a challenging task. It is challenging because worldly passions (love of money, lust, jealousy, sexual immorality, idolatry, deceitfulness etc.) continually serenade our sinful nature. We may have every intention to do what is right in the eyes of God but sometimes we are so overwhelmed with temptation that we fail.
Sometimes I wish I had a supernatural hand that could reach deep inside my soul and perfectly extract all those sinful desires so they can be burned into thin air! I figure it would make it so much easier and I wouldn't have to struggle to do the right thing.
So am I really fighting a losing battle against sin? Shall I wave a white flag in surrender and let sin claim the victory? If I love God and am genuinely seeking His ways in all I do, surely this love should motivate me to repent and change?
I don't want to be a slave to sin because I know it will wrack my relationship with God and only lead me to destruction [Romans chapter 6, verse 23]. If my heart's true desire is to abandon my shameful ways and grow closer to God, how will I fight to remain pure?
Purity attained in Christ
When Jesus died on the cross in our place, he dealt with sin once and for all. My sins are forgiven and I have been washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ. It is only by the grace of God that we can once again have a relationship with Him through Christ and inherit eternal life.
This however, doesn't mean that I should let sin reign in my life so that I obey its evil desires [Romans chapter 6, verse 12]. Which can so easily happen when we lose our focus from God. To remain pure, I realise I need to make some sacrifices. Staying focused on God means I need to develop a strong discipline when it comes to prayer and reading the word of God. I need to take the time to meditate on His word and listen to the Holy Spirit's guidance. For a long time, I neglected this and my prayer life also diminished. I soon found myself disobeying God's word even more.
What I should strive to do instead is wholeheartedly trust and obey God's word which will lead to holiness. I would indeed be fighting a losing battle if I tried to do this on my own, but with Christ I already have the victory. So I need to cling to Him and my life will continually be renewed.
Finding joy in obedience
With the end of year fast approaching, I have begun to reflect on the year gone past. I don't know what the coming year has in store for me, but what I do know is that I want to grow in my faith. Next year, I don't want to be in the same place I am today.
Hence, I am asking God for forgiveness for the many times I have failed Him. I don't want my prayers to be detestable because I am turning a deaf ear to the law [Proverbs chapter 28, verse 9]. I am asking God to help me not compromise with evil but only to walk in His ways. That my actions will consistently reflect His decrees and that as I learn his righteous regulations, I will continually thank Him by living as I should [Psalm chapter 119, verse 2 to 8].
So I do have a supernatural hand after all: - the hands of Christ that were pierced for my transgressions so I can be free from sin and declared righteous in the sight of God.
May God grant me the zeal and a deep desire to do His good and perfect will. I want to delight in God's word. I want the word of God not to be a burden but an everlasting joy for my soul.
Kandima Awendila was born in Mozambique and lives and works as an IT Service Desk Engineer on the Gold Coast.
Kandima Awendila's archive of articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/kandima-awendila.html