From an early age most of us learn that it’s rude to ask personal questions or point and stare at people. Yet we’re all familiar with the kind of situation where a child stares at someone in a wheelchair and says in a loud voice, ‘What’s wrong with that person? Why don’t they have any legs?’ Or they might say about someone with a scarred face: ‘Yuck! They look weird!’
Occasionally the person in the wheelchair or the badly scarred one will engage with the child and explain why they look that way. It is a brave person who is so open to talking about their disability and a child is fortunate to have that opportunity to learn something.
My favourite embarassing moment happened to a friend of mine. His children were well taught about the evils of smoking and could be rather zealous in pointing this out to others. One day he and his children were chatting to the neighbour who lit up a cigarette and began puffing away. Four solemn little faces stood before the neighbour, staring hard in silent disapproval. After a few minutes, the youngest child looked sad and asked, ‘When are you going to die?’
Oops!
It is a rare parent who has never had one of these moments; when they wish the ground would open up and swallow them.
As we grow to adulthood we generally learn to be respectful and sensitive to the needs of others, not to overstep the bounds of privacy. We ask a casual acquaintance, ‘How are you?’ without really expecting a truthful reply. Or we’ll talk about the weather, or congratulate someone on their new job or other achievements. Nothing offensive.
It’s called ‘good manners’ and makes everyone feel comfortable.
But in a hospital situation it is a very different matter altogether. The questions are very personal.They ask about your weight, dental crowns, previous surgeries, pain level, rashes, allergies. And your bowels.
In times of COVID even the shops want to know if you have a cough, or a sore throat, or a temperature or a runny nose.
But we’re OK with all this, aren’t we?
At least most of us are. We recognise such questioning is for our benefit, to guide treatment and to help with recovery. It helps to protect both ourselves and others.
So, why is it that we are so hesitant to speak when it comes to spiritual health? Are we still paying heed to the old rules about not discussing religion, sex or politics?
When was the last time you asked someone about their spiritual health? When was the last time you told someone about an answered prayer? Do you ever talk about your relationship with Jesus, or share news from your church community?
Perhaps we need to reclaim that childlike boldness and combine it with our grown-up wisdom. Think first, be sensitive and prayerful. But be brave and ask the questions!
Sheelagh Wegman is a freelance writer and editor. She is in the community of St David’s Cathedral in Hobart and lives in the foothills of kunanyi/Mt Wellington.
Sheelagh Wegman’s previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/sheelagh-wegman.html