I want to suggest that what we are sold is perhaps only a small part of what we should mean by love as a Christian, it's an overly narrow conception we buy into. Yet for a lot of people everywhere, this is all it is, and all it seems - a feeling and partiality for those we are close to.
First, to break down what we mean by love in modern society. When many people think of love they think of a feeling. With romantic love comes a feeling of possessiveness and exclusivity to the beloved. And with love of family, or children, comes the bond of closeness and that partiality that also comes from familiarity of close association.
All of which is valid and worthy.
But the gospel, Christianity, encourages us to go beyond this! We are to love God, and to love our neighbour. When our neighbour is, practically anyone. There is no partiality; there is a distinct lack of exclusivity that is shocking to this commandment.
Who lived such a life?
The apostle James says true religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1 verse 27).
One figure we can look to in this respect is the Catholic Priest Henri Nouwen. Although popular for writing many books on spirituality, it is his life that I find inspiring. After teaching at universities such as Yale and Harvard he dedicated his later life to care for people with disabilities.
Throughout his life he struggled with both depression and his sexuality but yet set an amazing example for others to follow of Christ like love and sacrifice. Does it make Nouwen any less loving, or less knowledgeable of love, that he was celibate? I would argue most certainly not.
In fact, I would say the love Nouwen had and gave to the poor and disabled was a kind of self sacrificial love that many people may never touch. It's graceful in its unmerited favour in an age in which for some possessive and preferential love reigns supreme. To have compassion for the weak, the vulnerable, and the powerless, is in itself subversive and is a place where the light of Christ shines through.
In this matrix of love it is not the feeling that comes first. Nouwen didn't care for the disabled because he fell in love with someone who was poor or disabled, no; love is the work of love. And the work of love is his life. The task is not to find a loveable object or person, but the task is to find the given object or person - loveable.
Kierkegaard again
In his first article for the New Zealand young writers my friend Sam Burrows mentioned Søren Kierkegaard. Well Kierkegaard has some very good thoughts worth sharing on this issue as well!
"With respect to love we speak continually about perfection and the perfect person. With respect to love Christianity also speaks continually about perfection and the perfect person. Alas, but we men talk about finding the perfect person in order to love him. Christianity speaks about being the perfect person who limitlessly loves the person he sees."
This is to say, we should be working on ourselves instead of chasing the dream of the perfect object or person to love. As we should be well aware, no one is perfect. And the attempt to be a more loving person towards all is something we can control and work on ourselves. As a follower of Jesus Christ this endeavour to 'love' is aided by the Holy Spirit dwelling within.
Peter Rope is a Financial Economics and Theology graduate from Auckland.
Peter Rope's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/peter-rope.html