I am learning that parenting is exhilarating. Yet daunting. Absolutely exhausting, but at the same time I always have energy to give.
Lately however, I have discovered something very profound about my little girl. It's not something unique to her, nor is it anything I can change. And I'll be honest, its discovery has made me somewhat nervous.
You see, I discovered my little one had "freewill".
Indeed she does. I ask, 'do you want to have dinner?
'No', she answers.
I say, 'let's go outside later?
'No, now', my little one emphatically tells me.
I tell her to eat her vegetables. But she throws them with enough stamina to make the Olympic javelin team. I thought, perhaps naively, my child would be so healthy that the taste of artificial sweetness would make her little face screw up in disgust. My little one would never know how to eat a lollypop and should think that each healthy meal I served her was indeed a 'Happy Meal'.
But the sight of a piece of chocolate or slice of cake sends her crazy. She would search for Mummies secret Easter eggs like a baby possessed. And then there's her obsession with meat. Yes, our friends laugh at the irony of two vegetarian parents co-creating a baby that loves meat.
I have a feeling that I'm not the first to discover this alarming reality. To be honest, part of me longs to be able to curtail her freewill, but I know I should not, and really, I can not.
If I do not allow my daughter to exercise her desires to climb up the stairs, she will never learn the skill. If I force broccoli into her mouth, she promptly spits it out. If I tell her I'm too tired to give her attention, I end up utterly heartbroken us I look at the despair on her face. And I suspect as she grows up if I attempt to force her to like the sport or music or political side I do, I would be hindering her development and perhaps creating a rebel.
Exercising freewill
Her freewill is something I am learning to accept. It seems that although there are times I must restrict her, there are just as many times I must let her exercise her own freewill. It is so difficult to tell those times apart. And I'm sure I've got it wrong many times. Perhaps knowing when to restrict and when to let go is the puzzle that we call parenting?
As I blissfully watch my little one become an a amazing, unique individual as she daily exercises her own freewill, it makes me realise it is an awesome gift God has given us all. I truly am thankful.
Of course, sometimes I hate living in a world where there is freewill. I'm sure parents everywhere don't celebrate freewill when they are walking their screaming baby up and down the house at three in the morning. Nor when their little one is having a tantrum in Woollies because she wants to carry the milk (but physically can't). Freewill can result in devastation. People smoke and then get cancer, or drink drive and kill a bystander and punch each other inflicting harm.
Along with my discovery of freewill, I have encountered the most terrible pain of upsetting my beloved child as I discipline and restrict her desires.
Little one does not understand why I don't let her sip my coffee, or drive the car. And indeed she protests, loudly and emotionally when I strap her in a car seat. She cries and looks at me with those huge blue eyes and I know she is heartbroken when I tell her she cannot play with the kitchen knife. It devastates her that I won't let her eat sand at the beach. "Daughter if you eat so much sand you will end up very sick. I am doing this because I love you." But still it breaks my heart when I have to upset her.
Choices affect us all
When you cannot explore and do as you desire because of sickness, emotions or an injury, it is hard. When you cannot exercise freewill it is frustrating. It is also terrible that people's choices adversely effect us. It is devastating that people make choices to ruin the environment, bully others or neglect a child.
So surely I can't be serious when I say freewill is something we should be ever so thankful for.
But I really do think it is an amazing gift. One day I will explain it to my daughter like this. I will go back to basics. What is the purpose of freewill I will ask her?
I will then explain to her it is so we can choose God, choose life, choose love and holiness. Without freewill there is no choice to do evil, but nor is there a choice to do good. So freewill is what allows us to choose God. Freewill is God's gift to us that means we can choose to live with Him if that be our desire.
So as I wait 12 more months for my next mothers day, I will simply delight in what I learn daily as a mother about life, about people and about God.
Danielle and Daniel Stott are Bible College graduates who live on the southern Gold Coast. Daniel is training to be a teacher and Danielle is caring for their baby daughter.
Danielle and Daniel's archive of articles can be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/d-and-d-stott.html