What are the Mummy wars?
Mummy wars is a term that was first used to describe the us vs them mentality in the stay at home mum vs career mum, it became really popular in the 80's when Leslie Morgan Steiner wrote a book. The term is now used to define any battle that may arise from the various different parenting styles i.e. breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, organic food vs feeding children processed food (the list is a lengthy one).
Why is it that every parenting issue needs to be a battle? Why can't we sometimes agree to disagree? Why can't I be a stay-at-home breast feeding home-schooling vaccinating parent and you can be a career formula feed send your child to private school non vaccinating organic parent and agree that we are both right? Let us agree that there is not only one right way to raise a child.
How do we war?
The mummy war is a battle that is being fought on social media. We will either naively or proudly state our choice about parenting, then other mum's gang up on each other in a way to prove that their way of parenting is right. It is also where mom's can vent and show how 'silly' another mum's mistake is and throw it back in the face of the 'mistake mom' as a I would never do that type of mistake with my child, I am perfect attitude.
In April there was a California family that decided to hope in their boat and take their two young children with them on an adventure of a lifetime and sail around. Well a few days into the trip one child became very ill; to make a long story short they had to be rescued by the Coast guard somewhere off the coast of Mexico. (wwltv.com)
When this story became public the poor family was attacked for their lifestyle choices, their parenting was questioned and they were called irresponsible for the fact they took young children on a journey to sail around the world. Imagine if their daughter had never become sick and a few months later they finished their journey and written a book about life on the ocean, it probably would have been a best seller amongst the very people whom attacked them for their poor choices. They would have been hailed as parenting superstars for having lived on a tiny vessel with children and done such a feat.
The truth is that everyday there are families around the world who embark on crazy adventures and we cheer them when they succeed oh but if they fail we turn on them fast. We get down right dirty.
In my hometown, there are women who are stalk the parking lot of grocery stores, waiting for a mum to unload her children and groceries into the car and walk 20meters to return the cart. The woman then stops the mum to yell at her for endangering the child by leaving them alone in the car (which was literally 10 seconds) and they are calling the police. Have we stooped that low that we call it endangering a life for 10secs alone in the car and are threatening to call the police? Are you for real? How about offering to return the carts for these young mums who are trying to keep their children safe from being hit by other cars?
The problem with parenting now days is that we have all access to all the horror stories, we all can find something bad that happened while doing this or that. How can you be so careless, how are you fit to be a mother are the comments that attack mums daily for mistakes they make. The truth is that we can't always worry about the what ifs or the I know someone who had such and such happen because of this because this will cause our lives to be stressful and full of anxiety always waiting for the horrible to happen.
Let's be the Change
How about instead of yelling and accusing we offer a hand. We see a mum with several children or even just one but they look like they are having a rough day, why not offer to help push their cart, why not offer them a cup of coffee or an encouragement.
Encourage mums who chose to work or chose to stay home. Don't judge them, pray for them. If a mum has a different birth plan then you, encourage her don't make her feel bad for her choice, support her no matter what. If your thoughts on vaccination are different don't sit there and belittle the mum, encourage her to make an informed decision. Let's start to encourage each other over social media rather than attack poor mom's who make a mistake. Stand up for other mum's even when they parent differently.
Why it is important to end the mummy wars
I want encouragement! I don't want to have to worry about the entire backlash I may get for making every day decisions for my family, never mind a parenting mistake I will make. I know that my parenting is not perfect, but I am doing the best I can and I am going to do it onto the Lord. I know that I will make mistakes but God's grace is big enough.
Is my parenting going to look different from the way you parent? You bet!!! But that doesn't mean either one of us are wrong, God has made us different and He gave me my children for a reason and yours for a reason. At the end of the day we will all stand before God and be judge for how we were obedient to what He called us to and how we raised our children according to His word.
We won't be judged on how others thought we should have raised our children. In all things do them unto the Lord. I want to encourage you parents out there you are doing a fantastic job!!
(Genevieve writes from Canada and spelt "mum" as "mom" - for the benefit of Canadian readers, "mum" is Australian spelling).
Genevieve Wilson is a happily married stay at home, home-schooling mum of 3, whose passion is to see people come to know Jesus. She worked 8 years as a missionary with Youth with a Mission(YWAM). She has a heart for justice and to see the abolition of the modern day slave trade.
Genevieve Wilson's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/genevieve-wilson.html