2023. My year of surrender.
I wrote in January about my time to be Alone, but not lonely.
Much has changed this year.
I opened myself up to work out some things about myself and my future. Alone with my thoughts.
Just learning to be alone.
I am refreshed, revitalised, reworked, rejuvenated.
I sit at my desk at school. The end of the year just a week away. Teachers, staff and students clamouring, clawing their way to holidays. You can hear and see the tired, worn out adults and kids, but I sense gratitude.
I have this energy again with a relaxed mind and body. Hopefully along with a peaceful spirit and soul.
There are things as a husband and father I desperately wanted to get right. I needed some time to think through these things. Belinda often says, “Yeh, there are a few things you need to tweak.”
Our dog Everest still follows me around of mornings hoping I will take him somewhere. We still go on our walks. Just not as regular anymore and it’s now before or after work. Time to find time to do this with Belinda as well. We chat a lot more now; before, during and after these walks.
Japan
Elijah (middle son) missed out on his graduation gift in 2021. We travelled to Japan for a week of skiing/snowboarding and a week of sightseeing in Tokyo.
Life changing.
No expectations were taken into the trip.
Expectations blown away. A beautiful country with beautiful people and a respectful culture.
Work
I chased new opportunities. Opportunities came but were not exactly what I wanted, was not the right time or fell through. I went back to work where I had been for 11 years.
I had changed. It was noticed. There were students who were happy to see me. There were staff relieved to have me back. This was all I needed to get me back into “the game.”
A few years ago I changed my mindset from working for an employer or institution, and realised I should work for God. He was the one who would guide me and who I would seek approval from.
Footy coaching (Australian Rules) took on a “work” feel. Coaching at club and junior elite level transformed my self belief and my knowledge. Thinking only about footy was consuming, but energising.
Serving and working on the bar at my brother’s BBQ restaurant a couple of nights a week allowed me to be me. Nothing better than talking about beers and smoked meat for hours made me realise who I can be, regardless of the job or work I do.
Alone
Solitude can be liberating.
Alone with a book, a Christian devotional, some music, the TV, the surf, the beach, golf, a coffee, plans for coaching footy, the garden (with weeds).
Alone with yourself.
No shortage of things to help pass the time. They challenge your thoughts about who you are and who you are meant to be.
Bono
I read lead singer of band U2 Bono’s memoir “Surrender.” It took 6 months to read this book. I regularly read a chapter, put the book down, sat quietly or walked the dog or made a coffee and thought through my life.
The memories.
The moments of surrender.
The people who mattered and who did matter to me.
Some are gone.
Some I have lost touch with.
Some I don’t even know how they’re going. But they meant a lot to me at a certain time in certain places for certain purposes.
Bono recalled a time his close friend and bass player of U2, Adam Clayton, came to his moment of surrender. I followed his lead this year.
“But he ended up on his knees with the three of us, looking to save himself from himself. Looking for help from something bigger than himself. It’s an extraordinary thing, the moment of surrender. To get down on your knees and ask the silence to save you, to reveal itself to you. To kneel down, to implore, to throw yourself out into space, to quietly roar your insignificance. To fall prostrate and to be carried. To humble yourself with your family, your band mates, and to discover there’s a face or name to that silence.”
God
This is what I feel God has said to me. Through the joys, sorrows and frustrations any year presents, I need to start again. I thought it was in a new physical place, but I believe God has his new purpose for me. I just don’t know what it is.
God challenged me to:
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Russell Modlin has finished his 31st year as a Secondary Education Teacher. He has taught in Mackay, Brisbane, Alice Springs and currently on the Sunshine Coast. He is married to Belinda (28 years) and they have three sons- 2 have finished High School, 1 to go!
Russell Modlin’s archive of previous articles can be found at https://www.christiantoday.com.au/by/russell-modlin
Russell Modlin is in his 30th year as a Secondary English and Physical Education Teacher. He has taught in Mackay, Brisbane, Alice Springs and currently on the Sunshine Coast. He is married to Belinda (26 years) and they have three sons- 2 have finished High School, 1 to go!
Russell Modlin’s archive of previous article can be found atwww.pressserviceinternational.org/russell-modlin.html
